I love the way you always said that. With that secret grin, followed by a wink. When I reached you a towel, or when I turned down my shitty music, or when we were dorks and thanked each other every night for such a great day.
Drunk is probably the best way to write this; also the best way to describe me in general. I’m always drunk on something. If it’s not whiskey, it’s love, it’s art, it’s not understanding other cultures while I’m trying the best I can, it’s fashion, it’s life, it used to be you.
We were young, head over heels and ready to build a future until we figured out what we wanted couldn’t happen. – Until I figured out what I wanted couldn’t happen. What was once such a mature decision looks so foolish, childish and selfish now. I looked so strong and independent, now my one great fear of failure is how to make love stay; how to maintain something so precious when you are the product of insecurity and distrust mixed with overachieving.
You were the first, and for a long time the only, one I trusted. You were the person who came to rescue me when I was a wreck. Because of your support I became ambitious, successful and creative. When it was my turn to support you I became pushy. So pushy I pushed you away “for the best”.
I’m sorry I didn’t give us a fair chance. I’M SORRY I CHOSE BEING RIGHT OVER YOU. In the end I was only left with being right. Right doesn’t show up at your house at 4 am because you are scared and alone. Right doesn’t get your sense of humor. Right doesn’t love you unconditionally. Right doesn’t make you feel like one in a million.
Now I’m finally ready to turn my life 180, upside down, inside out for the love of my life, I know, right doesn’t fix things.
To make love work I have to work hard, follow him everywhere; trust him; make sure he knows I want to be with him, every day. Give myself a 100 percent.
I don’t know how to end this sincere letter,
I just know I had to say:
I will always love you, I promise.
From that one day you stood there wearing that red and black Rock-n-Roll tee, with dark jeans and grey converse till -